“A failed relationship can lead to significant mental stress – men already have a higher risk of suicide than women, and marital separation increases this risk fourfold. By investigating the ways in which men seek help after a breakup, we can potentially design better supports for their mental health,” study co-author Mary T. Kelly says in a university release. Exposing the mental health effects is important in debunking the stereotype that men don’t care or have violent reactions to a breakup. However, the study shows that most men tend to react by seeking help and working through the transition. The help they seek goes beyond professional help. The study offers several creative strategies that men follow when a relationship ends. One way men cope is through solitary work and reaching out to trusted peers. A quarter of respondents used internet searches for blogs, coaches and other resources. These men tended to be on the younger side or their relationships were short-lived. When they did reach out to friends and family, it was mostly to vent or talk, but not necessarily to find a solution. For this, they turned to self-help books.
Divorce is even harder on dads
Men in long-term relationships, potentially meaning they also had to deal with child custody cases, were more likely to seek new relationships. This ranged from joining a local dads group or a group of men going through a separation or divorce. More than half of the men sought counseling or other professional mental health services. These men were more likely to report a pre-existing mental illness. “This paper disrupts the stereotype that men don’t go to the doctor and don’t want help. It breaks down the trope that men aren’t emotional and aren’t as affected by a breakup as the rest of us,” says Kelly. “We also tend to think that men don’t do introspection or vulnerability, but a lot of the men were really doing this deep kind of work.” If you’re currently going through a breakup, the study authors conclude that you might want to sit back and think about the rollercoaster of emotions you might be feeling. “You can be sad and happy, angry and sad at the same time. Look to reconnect or stay connected with friends and family. Be careful with substance use. Keep a routine, get some exercise, and be open to seeking professional help,” advises Dr. John Oliffe, professor of nursing at the University of British Columbia and the Canada Research Center for Men’s Health Promotion. The findings are published in the journal Qualitative Health Research.
